| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|08:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
I want to invest in some Polaroid film for the last couple of weeks i have here. I keep thinking Im' going in like a week. But i have like three and half still which is really awhile, though not as much as I'd like.But it still makes me happy every time I realize it. i guess I'm sort of concentrated on time. Wishing i had a lot more of it here before i have to leave. I don't even have that many things I want to get done, it's just the time I want to have to spend, ya know? I would like to go into the city though. I would like to do something nice with Diana and Josh a few more times, nothing as big as snowboarding but just as nice. There's still a few friends I haven't seen even once. It's weird i feel like I'm treating the vacation like it hasn't really started, but also thinking like it's not a big one anyway. Maybe that's why I don't want it to start so it never has to end. Christmas was really sweet, much better than it was the year previously. I even received less from my family, but I was overall much more happy. And i guess,too, the presents i did get were more awesome, espescially my lingling XD Next is New years! I have nice romantic plans which Im' happy about. I really want to do as many nice, and bonding time things with Bryan as i can. There's a few parties as well that are coming up, but i'm not destined for all of them. Ha, speaking of which, I just informed the host of one today and he was sorely dissapointed. He thought it was because of him that I wasn't going, i lied and said it wasn't.
I was telling Ellen how I've been upset that I've lost a lot of my close friends. The only people I feel really good energy towards are my old pals from high school and like 3 or 4 newbs from college. Even some of the girls I went to college with from high school are not the same anymore. That connection has changed. It's seems some got too close, and everything became just too personal. Those friends that I've had some space with kept friendship alive because it left a lot of room for growth, and there was no place to cast judgment on each others lives. I know i appreciate those friendships more than I ever have. I'm really happy though. The people I am friends with are ones that I want to have, and ones that i wouldn't find myself naturally colliding with over opposing agendas and opinions. As for my relationship with my boyfriend, I couldn't be happier. There are certainly things about us that are imperfect. There are still times I find myself utterly crushed by our past, and just mishaps of the present. But I'm happy, really happy. I don't feel like I've made a mistake. And it makes me even happier feeling this way about us now as I step into a new part of my life. I want him with me, for as long as he wants to be. I don't want to take us for granted, not one bit. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|03:49 pm] |
Ahh i'm sucha bad friend, thanks guys for the lj gifts!! :D
Well I saw Avatar yesterday. ( Read more... )
also WHOO I got Little Rocket Man and Neighborhood Watch on HL2 booya |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|09:51 am] |
Ooh~ Ooh~ I'm part of Google Wave. And...even after watching a video or so, I'm still not quite sure what it is. All I know is that you need an invitation to join and that makes it exclusive (at least in my mind) and I LOVE being part of exclusive things! :D
SO HEY. I GOTS 8 INVITES TO GIVE OUT. Anybody want one? (just leave your e-mail address or message it to me) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|09:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  listless | ] |
I leave a lot of room for humiliation, don't i? It's horrible how often i can look back on a situation and can easily shudder in shame and embarrassment. How come i keep putting myself in these situations? Haven't I learned by now? I guess it's kind of a rose window sorta thing; I just have this perception of things that I keep expecting to be as great as i understand it. That's never really the case, though. And it's like even with these occasional miffs of enlightenment and realization, it doesn't stop my future self from doing the same damned things. So i know it's not really gonna do me any good putting it down in words. I guess its a good indicator that i'm true to myself. Maybe. I don't know if that's really the case at all, it just feels like a good way to balance my feelings towards it.
I've got a lot going on. I wake up with rushed heartbeats. Before I even open my eyes i'm focusing on calming down the organ that's practically jumping out of my chest. it's ridiculous, and a bit worry some and scary.Is that stress? Is it a side effect to the pill I'm on? I think probably stress and anxiety. Whew, i didn't even realize how much I was bearing untill I let some tears out last night. Instead of decreasing my anxiety, each moment just piled on more and more and more, and i just cried it out louder, and louder, and louder. I finally leveled out after a while, but i seem to have brought some anguish to my boyfriend. I can't bear the responsibility for that one though; It's just too much right now.
Right now I've got one more final and a class, how ridiculous. I have to study for the one, and then go to my last class of the semester; It's about damned time. Hopefully today will turn out to my liking. |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
lordofthefrogs's Friends Page
awake